“I have come into the world as a Light so that anyone who believes in Me should not stay in darkness.” John 12:46

It’s normal to be irritated with life. Life never goes the way you want or plan. I’m starting to subscribe to the theory (yes, despite my old age) that if I plan something I don’t want, will my real plans come to fruition??

There’s something to be said about positive outlooks, but there are days, as you all may know, when you just don’t give a flying #$*. It’s only Tuesday and my plans for a good week already went awry. So now, everyone irritates me for no reason. I’m impatient for no good reason. It’s 75 degrees and sunny, yet my mood is dismal. My life is going just fine, despite what my family and I have been through. I just can’t shake this defeatist attitude.

I’ve started sewing, and that’s been a reliever. I wonder how everyone else shakes these low days off their backs.

I thought about walking. I just put my head down until that feeling goes away. Same with reading. I can read a good mystery but only with spicy cheetos, and that’s not ultimately helpful.

I prayed this morning for 30 minutes. I started at 5:30 am. When I opened my eyes from prayer, it was sunrise and just beautiful. Yet, with such a glorious start, I got dark.

What I hope to see is tomorrow, and that tomorrow will be better. Each time I feel low, I do think, “sure, it’s going to be ok; I can be low and irritable today.” I will try not to hurt anyone’s feelings today while I’m in this mood. I just need to get to tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day. The next day is a good chance to do good and be better.

There are a lot of kids who are so low these days. I wish I can remind them that there is a tomorrow. I pray their tomorrow will be brighter. I hope people will see that tomorrow is another chance to live better. It gets depressing when you’re isolated physically and socially. Sometimes waiting for that tomorrow seems pointless, when that tomorrow seems the same as yesterday.

What CAN make tomorrow different from today is in your thoughts and actions. I myself will try to add something to my day tomorrow that will “spice” things up. I’m hoping that will shake that darkness away and add light to the day. It sometimes only takes one small act of kindness, one gesture of patience or one dose of recognition to make someone’s day. Take that walk, eat those cheetos, call a friend, donate food/clothes. Do something tomorrow so it won’t be the same as today. Hold the door for someone walking in. Smile as you walk by someone else. Listen to good music, etc, etc.

It’s ok not to be ok. It’s also ok to stop feeling sad. Don’t feel guilty for feeling good. I know I’ve had to shake that. I know Allie would have wanted me to feel good.

It’s a whole new week…

God is good. God is merciful. God is Almighty.

I was in the dregs, crying and pleading for my girl. It’s been tough, as it has been for so many, these many days of crises.

Then one day, I just woke up and saw the sun shine. It was a break in the clouds, but it reminded me of Allie. She is my everlasting sunshine. She can pep the dregs out of anyone.

The sun will shine again someday, and I hold on to this hope. God is merciful, and He will make that sun shine. It’s never when we as humans want it. It is then so important that we keep waking up each day because when that sun shines, we have to grab it and linger in that light.

The noise of world keeps the silence of our Lord from truly filling our hearts and minds. The ability to hear Him does require effort. But He is always there, patiently loving each one of us, waiting and persistently trying to reach us. I sometimes just don’t want to hear it. I know it’s easier to let that noise drown out our sorrows. He will never leave us, and I know this. When I’m tired of the sadness, I just look up, and He is always there. I hope that when you are tired, hopeless and down, look up, know and feel His love. Know there are many people, like me, who are willing to listen to your heartache. Love is in the air, and those droplets are for everyone.

Happy Heavenly birthday to my girl…

Live your life to the fullest. Immerse yourself in the good times knowing that the positive moments will return despite each pain you encounter. Someone wants you to live, Someone cares, Someone is willing to listen.