When the fight is a good fight…

I share here a story from a young adult I met recently. This person was kind enough to allow me to share her story here – it’s powerful, it’s honest, it’s brutal and clear. It’s clear that if you allow yourself to love yourself, you will see how important you are to so many. You will see how you can make a difference in this world, be it by sharing your pain and story, or listening to someone else’s pain and just offering a compassionate hand. We are all here for a reason. We are all destined to find our people. It may take some time to find that person/people who will lift you up – but maybe the people are already with you and you just didn’t know it.

From one of the brave young adults I’ve ever met:

It all started when I was in elementary school. I was diagnosed with dyslexia and ADHD, and I attended two schools for learning differences. I felt alone and so different than all my friends who attended “normal” school.

That’s when my self-esteem lowered, and I felt dumb and unimportant. Once high school started, I met my first boyfriend. We dated for 5 years, but he was emotionally, mentally and physically abusive to me all those years. I developed an eating disorder due to the abuse he caused. He made me feel like I wasn’t even a person anymore. He took away all the love I had for myself. I dated him from the ages of 15-20. I am 22 now, still seeking therapy for the pain I was put through. I still have self-image issues and relationship issues due to what he did to me. The worst part is…no one knew about all this until we broke up – not even my parents or friends knew that those five years would stick with me forever. I was so good at faking my happiness that only when I was alone did I break down.

On August 17, 2015, I attempted suicide. I had a note written to everyone in my life and the reason behind my pain. Thankfully, it was a failed attempt. I still see my self-harm scars today, and I recognize that pain I was in and how I am still here today for a reason. By breaking up with my boyfriend on June 10th, 2018, I began my journey of recovery and self-love.

I met a new boyfriend on March 6th, 2019, and it was a wonderful relationship. I was the happiest I had ever been. Then on February 14th, 2020, he broke up with me because he said he fell out of love with me. This breakup tore me down. I started seeing my therapist again, and my eating problems flared up. My self-image disappeared all over again; it’s about to be a year since that break-up, and I still feel empty and lost.

But everyday, I decided to fight and not let my mind win. Sometimes, my mind wants me to give up and let go, but I decided to stay and fight. It takes a lot of effort to stay, but I’m always glad I stay for another day. I will fall in love with myself again.

To anyone who wants to read this, I undestand pain on so many levels. Don’t let ANYONE EVER tear you down. You are worth everything. The universe needs you here. ♥

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