I never get tired of writing her name. I miss writing it, saying it often, hearing this name. I remember when she was first born, this bundle of joy and she did look like a china doll.
Many of you may have read the following thread from my facebook page. It bears repeating here, because I cannot say enough about how much I love her. Our family is broken without her. Our family IS healing and moving without her; we do so with much pain and love as we can. Living has not been easy. It would not be easy anyway, regardless. But this living without her is gut wrenching.
I ask anyone who just wants to make the pain go away to just hold on. There will be a time that the pain will go away. When you hold on and struggle through that pain, you will find you get stronger each time a new blow comes along. You will also appreciate the good things and good moments that you have in between. That is called living. The living comes in the good moments where you can feel love and joy, peace and contentment. It will come, because that is life. Pain and relief, joy and calm. We must never linger with the hurt, because we will miss the good time that’s in front of you. Turn your face to see the world up in front of you. Feel the sunshine, listen to sounds, and breathe deeply, then breath deeply again.
April 29, 2016 – “I blinked, and she was born, this bundle of joy who looked like a china doll. Then I blinked once more, and she is ready to go, before I could hold my breath long enough to see where time had gone.
I held each moment close to my heart. I made each touch point meaningful.
Yet when it’s time to move on, the effort is heavy and loaded with angst and “just a wee more time pls”.
I don’t lay my heart out in public. But today as my daughter ran through the softball bases for the last time, I began to fear the inevitable.
My joy for her new adventures is now a bittersweet reminder of how much has passed and the small victories which we shared.
I will forever champion her and be her rock. She will forever be my sweet feisty confident girl who will stand up to anything and fight hard for all she believes. I will miss seeing her at UA and all that comes with it. I will miss this chapter of my life. And I can’t wait to see what she will do next.”
Let yourselves have a tomorrow. You will have a good tomorrow because tomorrow is a gift, just like today is a gift. Don’t be hard on yourselves. Allow yourself to feel good. It is ok. Each day is a good day to do something good, and each day is a chance to feel good.